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Other forums => Different Conversations => Topic started by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 22, 2005, 05:14:51 PM

Title: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 22, 2005, 05:14:51 PM
 With all the depressing crap going on in the world today I though this might make a good idea for a thread.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Crazy Diamond on July 22, 2005, 06:02:13 PM
What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?







Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Paulsluv on July 22, 2005, 06:06:25 PM
Quote from: Zep_Fan
What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?







Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.

That's really disturbing.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on July 22, 2005, 06:08:02 PM
Quote from: Zep_Fan
What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?

Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.


Strange sense of humour.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on July 22, 2005, 06:09:27 PM
Okay, so there's guy on his death bed. He's just about to pass away when he makes one last dying wish. "Lord," he says, "All I want right now is just a plate of my wife's chocolate chip cookies, that's all I ask."
And then, suddenly, he smells the cookies baking from downstairs. So he drags himself out of bed, crawls downstairs, (this is a dying man, remember) and he finally reaches the kitchen. He spots the plate of cookies on the counter, and as he reaches up to grab one, he feels someone slapping his hand "Don't touch!" says his wife. "Those are for the funeral!"
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Paulsluv on July 22, 2005, 06:13:33 PM
LOL
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on July 22, 2005, 06:20:44 PM
Just imagine: you and me. On a romantic cruise. Just good friends. Then the ships sinks. Everybody's drowned, except you and me. We manage to reach an unhabited island. There's food enough, there's bananas and coconuts. A lot of fresh water as well. We both know we won't be rescued and will have to stick with eachother for the rest of our lives. In fact, we will probably die on the island. What do you think, will we ever have sex together, maybe even once?




Why wait till the ship sinks?
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: joan was quizzical on July 22, 2005, 07:16:32 PM
When nuns die, they go to a special gateway to get into heaven. They line up at this special enterance and must answer a few routine questions...

So St. Peter, standing in front of a long line of nuns at the pearly gates, says, "Next!"

Sister Rita walks up and St. Peter asks her a few questions, including "Have you ever had ANY sexual contact?"

"No!" exclaims Sister Rita. "Well.... I did touch a penis once. Just with the tip of my finger, I swear!"

"Ok, well just dip your finger tips in this holy water." Sister Rita does this, thanks St. Peter and enters heaven. "Next!"

Sister Mary walks up next. Once again, St. Peter asks "Have you ever had any sexual contact whatsoever?"

"Oh, no!"

"Really now?"

"Well, ok there was this one time.... I touched a penis. Just put it in the palm of my hand, that's all."

"Well, rinse the palm of your hand with this holy water." Sister Mary does as she is told and enters heaven.

Just then, all nuns in line start yelling and shoving. There is a disturbance halfway down the line.

St. Peter says, "Sisters, sisters please!"

"Sister Lucy is cutting in line!" one complains. St. Peter looks over to Sister Lucy, who says,

"If I have to gargle that holy water, I'm not waiting until after Sister Florence dips her ass in it!"
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 22, 2005, 07:30:54 PM
^ LOL...I heard that one before and I still laugh when I hear it.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Paulsluv on July 22, 2005, 07:34:13 PM
That is a funny religion joke, if that's the category.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 22, 2005, 07:55:25 PM
A little boy is in a closet spying on his mom and her lover when his dad shows up. The mom jumps up and says "Quick, its my husband get in the closet.
In the closet the little boys says "sure is dark in here". The man replys "yep it is"
 I got a baseball "you want to buy it ask the little boy "Nope" says the man.
 "My dads out there" says the boy. "Ok how much do you want for the ball?" ask the moms lover. "$250.00" says the boy. "Its a deal" says the man.
The next week again in the closet spying the boy finds his moms lover joining him in haste as he dad gets home early from work. Again the boy says "sure is dark in here" and again the man agrees saying "it certainly is". "I got a baseball glove now, you want to buy it?". the boys asks.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Paulsluv on July 22, 2005, 07:57:52 PM
LOL!! My sides!

(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Soft_Guitar60 on July 22, 2005, 08:17:03 PM
70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came
back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks
great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at
peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your
God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight,
so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go
to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the
light goes off when I'm done."

"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he
said,"George is just fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call
because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up
during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then
(poof!) the light goes off?"

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator
again!"
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on July 22, 2005, 08:19:13 PM
(clown1)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 22, 2005, 08:19:34 PM
^ ROFLMAO!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Paulsluv on July 22, 2005, 08:19:46 PM
AGH! Sick joke, but funny! :)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Crazy Diamond on July 23, 2005, 11:57:38 AM
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?


I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 23, 2005, 01:27:13 PM
During his escape from Pakistan osama bin laden found a bottle containing a beautiful female genie. The genie appeared and said "Master may I grant you one wish?" Taken aback by the female genie osama say's "you ignorant, unworthy daughter of a dog, do you not know who I am? I do not need a common woman to grant me anything!"  The Genie replied "Please let me grant you one wish, if not I have to return to that bottle forever" bin laden with contempt say's " Very well then, I want to wake up with three merican women in my bed." Granted said the genie and she disappeared.
The next morning bin laden awoke with three American women as he had wished. Loreena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, both of his knees were broken and he did'nt have any health insurance............. ;D



Ah.....if this were only true :)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Crazy Diamond on July 23, 2005, 02:08:16 PM
What's red and white and bubbles all over?


A baby in the microwave.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: TurnMeOnDeadman on July 25, 2005, 06:46:34 AM
lol^

why do women have boobs?

so you got something to look at when your talking to them
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: TurnMeOnDeadman on July 25, 2005, 06:48:40 AM
How many jews can you fit in a Volkswagen Beetle? 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and 6 million in the ashtray.
 
 
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Crazy Diamond on July 25, 2005, 10:49:27 AM
^ Not funny.

What is charred black and smells really bad?


A baby in the fireplace.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 25, 2005, 03:02:28 PM
Five men were to be ordained as priest's, but first each man would have to pass a test to make sure they would be sexually pure in heart and mind. All five were stripped completely nude and had a bell tied to their "member". Then a beautiful model with large breast's and a perfect body danced nude in front each of the priest's. The first four passed the test completely with nothing arising.....however the fifth priest could not contain himself. He became so aroused that his bell rang so radically it fell off. Carlos, the fifth priest was embarassed, he stepped forward and bent over to pick up his bell, seeing this all four of the other priest's bells began to ring loudly........... ;D
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Crazy Diamond on July 25, 2005, 05:15:56 PM
What is red and swings back and forth?


Dead baby on a meathook.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 25, 2005, 06:25:28 PM
^  C'mon man, the dead baby jokes are getting old and are no more funny than the jew ashtray joke. Speaking as a parent of an 8 month old and a 7 year I find them a little disturbing, especially with all the child abuse going today. The whole purpose of this thread is to make people smile or laugh. Be it members tired of all the sick crap that goes on in the world or someone who may just be having a bad day.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Crazy Diamond on July 25, 2005, 06:51:42 PM
How do you get 1000 dead babies in a phone booth?


Use a blender.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on July 25, 2005, 07:00:04 PM
C'mon man, you gotta stop with the dead baby jokes. You're usually pretty funny, but those are just disturbing.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on July 25, 2005, 07:04:25 PM
Anyways...

Q: How can you tell when it's really cold out?

A: When Christina Aguilera puts on all her clothes.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: on July 25, 2005, 08:08:57 PM
hahah i think diamonds baby jokes are hilarious!!!!!!!!

were you born on the a12 cause thats where most accidents happen?
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on July 25, 2005, 08:16:45 PM
Quote from: lennonlegend
hahah i think diamonds baby jokes are hilarious!!!!!!!!

were you born on the a12 cause thats where most accidents happen?

Have a smile yourself and try the 'What age do you act' contest!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: An Apple Beatle on July 25, 2005, 08:59:13 PM
Quote from: lennonlegend
hahah i think diamonds baby jokes are hilarious!!!!!!!!

were you born on the a12 cause thats where most accidents happen?

I'm not lying dude!!! My father died in a car crash...I really don't appreciate that man!

Also, someone has nicely explained why they don't like the baby jokes. Maybe until you are fathers yourselves, you won't get how much it may offend people...Best just to leave it, surely?..I think this thread was supposed to share a little happiness.

Imagine if your own family went through the loss of a baby. I'm not trying to be a killjoy or impose my opinions but theres a time and a place for certain humour. You get me drift?
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: lyndal on July 26, 2005, 12:03:55 AM
I agree.....there are always going to be those types of jokes in the world, as we can see, they can be made out of nothing. The jokes i enjoy are the really clever ones, and although i do enjoy a dirty joke from time to time, the sick ones are just that........sickening.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Sondra on July 26, 2005, 12:16:13 AM
Anywaaayyy...Here's one from a Woody Allen movie. It's a Polish joke, but I DO NOT mean to offend anyone who's Polish. I have a ton of Polish relatives, and they all thought it was funny, so I'm hoping most people around here aren't ultra politically correct and can actually laugh at dumb stereotypes that we know are not true anyway.

Did you hear about the Polish carpool? They all meet at work.

And just to be fair, here's an Italian joke. (I'm Italian)

What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pockets? Mute.

Okay, and here's one one of my first grade students just told me:
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom. Bwah ha!

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 26, 2005, 12:21:08 AM
LOL ^ Now that what I'm talking about! Thanks Sandra.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on July 26, 2005, 12:35:36 AM
My cousin's friend, who is a teacher, told me this one:

Two muffins are in an oven. The first one says, "Boy, sure is hot in here." The second one says, "AHH! A talking muffin!"
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Sondra on July 26, 2005, 12:53:31 AM
and from one of my favorite comedians ever. Different kind of jokes though.

I didn't get a toy train like the other kids.
I got a toy subway instead.
You couldn't see anything,
but every now and then
you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.


If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there,
is he still wrong?

When you're in school, and there's a fire alarm you have to line up in a single file line from shortest to tallest.
What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?

Why are there braille dots on
the keypads at drive up ATMs?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays 'Helter Skelter'.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on July 26, 2005, 01:14:04 AM
Some words of wisdom from Homer Simpson:

"When a woman says nothing's wrong, it means something's wrong. And if she says something's wrong, it means everything's wrong. And if she says everything's wrong, it means EVERYTHING'S wrong."
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Crazy Diamond on July 26, 2005, 07:45:22 AM
Quote from: An_Apple_Beatle

I'm not lying dude!!! My father died in a car crash...I really don't appreciate that man!

Also, someone has nicely explained why they don't like the baby jokes. Maybe until you are fathers yourselves, you won't get how much it may offend people...Best just to leave it, surely?..I think this thread was supposed to share a little happiness.

Imagine if your own family went through the loss of a baby. I'm not trying to be a killjoy or impose my opinions but theres a time and a place for certain humour. You get me drift?

I'm sorry. :(
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: TurnMeOnDeadman on July 26, 2005, 07:54:44 AM
Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?


Because he doesn't know he's black.
 
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Crazy Diamond on July 26, 2005, 11:55:58 AM
(thumbsdown)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: An Apple Beatle on July 26, 2005, 12:00:20 PM
Quote from: Zep_Fan

I'm sorry. :(

No worries, sorry I had to do the preaching act. ;)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on July 26, 2005, 12:10:47 PM
Think about this:
- do workers in a teafactory get a coffeebreak?
- why is a man talking dirty to a woman called a sexist? A woman talking dirty to a man gets paid!
- how do soldiers get involved in a civil war?
- what happened to the first six 'up's'?
- there's catfood with chicken, fish and beef. But why not with mouse?
- what does a butterfly feel when he's in love?
- if swimming is good for your arms and legs, why don't fish have arms and legs then?
- if a shop is open 24/7, why has it got a lock?
- the black box in an aeroplane is undestructable, even after a crash. Why isn't the whole plane made of this material then?
- who discovered how to milk a cow and what was he thinking he was doing when he started it?
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: The End on July 26, 2005, 12:17:04 PM
Tim Vine jokes - brilliant UK stand-up comedian! He would normally say all of these in under 2 minutes!!!

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please? ' And a voice said 'You are.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.
I went to the doctors. He said 'I'd like you to lie on the couch'. I said 'What for?' He said 'I'd like to sweep the floor'
I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'. I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'. He said 'How can I help?'. I said 'Break my arms!'
My wife had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'. I had the car out in thirty seconds.
I went up into the attic and found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt. Unfortunately Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made lousy violins.
One year I got a bike for my birthday. So I went peddling off down the road and knocked an old lady down. 'Can't you ring your bell?' She said. 'I can ring my bell,' I said 'But I can't ride my bike'
We were coming in to land, and it affects your ears, doesn't it? The Stewardess gave me chewing gum. I put it in my ear. Took two days to get it out. This little old lady was frightened. She looked at me, she said 'Do something religious'. So I took up a collection.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: 'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'. I said: 'What for, Officer?' He says: 'My chips are too hot'.
I got stopped again last night by another policeman. He says: 'I'd like to follow you to the nearest Police Station'. I said 'What For?'. He said: 'I've forgotten the way'.
So I said to the taxi driver, 'King Authur's Close'. He said, 'Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights'
A man walks into a greengrocer's and says, I want five pounds of potatoes please. And the greengrocer says, we only sell kilos. So the man says, alright then, I'll have five pounds of kilos.
And he said 'My dog doesn't eat meat'. I said 'Why not?'. He said 'We don't give him any'
I knocked at my friend's door and his wife answered the door. I said 'Is Jim in?'. She didn't reply, just stood there looking at me. So I asked again. Just then a woman appeared at his wife's elbow. 'Sorry luv' she said 'We buried him last Thursday'. 'He didn't say anything about a pot of yellow paint before he went, did he?'
I went to Blackpool on holiday and knocked at the first boarding house that I came to. A women stuck her head out of an upstairs window and said 'What do you want?'. 'I'd like to stay here' 'Ok. Stay there'.
I went to the doctor. He said 'you've got a very serious illness'. I said 'I want a second opinion'. He said 'all right, you're ugly as well'.
When I was in the scouts, the leader told me to pitch a tent. I couldn't find any pitch, so I used creosote.
I went into this pub, and I ate a ploughman's lunch. He was livid.
I got home from work and the wife said - I'm very sorry dear, but the cat's eaten your dinner'. I said 'Dont worry - I'll get you a new cat'.
I went into this ice cream parlour and said 'I'd like a vanilla cone'. The assistant said 'Hundreds and thousands ?'. I said 'No - I'll just have the one'. He said 'knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
I've always been unlucky. I had a rocking horse once, and it died.
I said to the waiter, I said 'This chicken I've got is cold'. He said 'I should think so. It's been dead for two weeks'. 'Not only that', I said, 'It's got one leg shorter than the other'. He said 'What do you want to do, eat it or dance with it?'
Sometimes I drink my whiskey neat. Other times I take my tie off and leave my shirt out.
My wife and I were fighting like hammer and tongs. She won, she had the hammer.
I hurt my back the day. I was playing piggy back with my 6 year old nephew, and I fell off.
'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed? ' 'No, because he's really heavy'
Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.' 'How's that?' 'Don't you start'
So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'
'I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the wife. Filthy, dirty and covered with cobwebs.... but she's good with the kids...'
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'your round.' The Other one says 'so are you, you fat b*stard'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said I want to buy an ice-cream' He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?', I said (butchly) 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.' He said 'Camper?' I said (campily) 'Make your mind up.'
So I went to the dentist. He said 'Say Aaah.' I said 'Why?' He said 'My dog's died.'' 'Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.''
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground, in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away. Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London watching a circus procession pass by. When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk, lifts him bodily into the air, smashes him on the ground and jumps on him. It was a different elephant
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on July 26, 2005, 12:27:02 PM
Very funny!
Did you type this whole thing yourself? Let me guess: you got a secretary.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 26, 2005, 03:23:27 PM
Damn Al, My hands are crammping just read that....... :)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 26, 2005, 03:40:16 PM
My family is from the south so I get to hear a lot of southern jokes, but my favorite is Jeff Foxworthy and his "you might be a redneck" bits.
You might be a redneck if you have ever been too drunk to fish
You might be a redneck if your dates hair was damaged by a ceiling fan.
You might be a redneck if  you have went to a family reunion to meet girls.
You might be a redneck if your dad walks you to school because your both in the same grade.
And finally for the ladies.
You might be a redneck if you have ever worn a tube top to a wedding......... ;D
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Soft_Guitar60 on July 26, 2005, 05:22:21 PM
Why did the Beatles cross the road?


Nah, here's another one:
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.

He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurts out -
"I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door, and yells -
'Jesus Christ, are you still in there!?'!"
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: on July 26, 2005, 06:42:59 PM
Quote from: TurnMeOnDeadman
Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?


Because he doesn't know he's black.
 
 

not funny, im black
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: on July 26, 2005, 06:48:56 PM
Quote from: An_Apple_Beatle

I'm not lying dude!!! My father died in a car crash...I really don't appreciate that man!

Also, someone has nicely explained why they don't like the baby jokes. Maybe until you are fathers yourselves, you won't get how much it may offend people...Best just to leave it, surely?..I think this thread was supposed to share a little happiness.

Imagine if your own family went through the loss of a baby. I'm not trying to be a killjoy or impose my opinions but theres a time and a place for certain humour. You get me drift?


sorry dude i had no idea, i wasnt trying to imply that dying is funny, i was implying the humor of an 'accidnet' of the person being born.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 26, 2005, 07:17:11 PM
Quote from: lennonlegend


sorry dude i had no idea, i wasnt trying to imply that dying is funny, i was implying the humor of an 'accidnet' of the person being born.

Yeah, but your "humor" appears to be at a members exspense and as you said "not funny". Nor is it what this thread is about.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: joan was quizzical on July 26, 2005, 07:21:06 PM
Quote
A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: 'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'. I said: 'What for, Officer?' He says: 'My chips are too hot'.

This is HILARIOUS!!!! Must find more Tim Vine jokes... immediately!

~ missy
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: on July 26, 2005, 08:46:47 PM
Quote from: RICKENBACKER325

Yeah, but your "humor" appears to be at a members exspense and as you said "not funny". Nor is it what this thread is about.

well i wasnt TRING to joke at other peoples expense
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: lyndal on July 27, 2005, 12:04:54 AM
Hahaha.....a British Show ran here in Australia for a while called The Sketch Show. Tim Vine was one of the people on that, wasnt he? Man i loved that show.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on July 27, 2005, 04:10:37 AM
This joke is pretty funny, I'm not trying to make fun of Americans, more so of Canadians actually, which I am.

Two Americans bump into each other:
"Hey, watch it!"
"No, you watch it!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
(they fight)

Two Canadians bump into each other:
"Oh, I'm sorry!"
"No, I'm sorry, that was my fault."
"Oh, no it was my fault."
"Let's just say it was both of our faults."
"So how about that Belinda Stronach, eh?"

Over here in Canada we are famous for the "Unnesscesary apology". (grin)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Crazy Diamond on July 27, 2005, 06:55:38 AM
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a b****."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a b****?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a b****."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a b****."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a b****."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a b****."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A b****!!!"
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on July 28, 2005, 03:54:21 PM
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is standing at the pearly gates chatting with St. Peter When she hears a awful bloodcurddling scream. She say's to St. Peter "what was that!" "Oh don't worry that was someone getting their holes drilled in the shoulders for their wings" was St. Peters reply.
Still chatting, About ten mintues later the old lady again hears the most awful gut wrenching screams and "Oh my God, now what was that!" St. Peter say's "Don't worry. That was the same person having a hole drilled in their head for their halo"
The old lady thinks for a moment and say's to St. Peter "I'm going to hell"
St. Peter tells her "You can't, you'll be raped and sodomized by demons forever"
Turning to leave the old say's "Yeah, well I already got holes for that!"............ :D
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: joan was quizzical on July 28, 2005, 10:54:22 PM
Quote from: Mairi
Over here in Canada we are famous for the "Unnesscesary apology". (grin)

It's soooo true. I'm the worst for it. I say "sorry" fifty times a day at work, it's lost all meaning.

Who's Belinda Stronach??

~ missy

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on July 28, 2005, 11:04:27 PM
You know, the woman who defected from Conservative to Liberal? She "banged up" Peter McKay's heart, apparently.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on July 29, 2005, 02:38:11 AM
My friend told me this the other day while I was wearing my peace t-shirt. I didn't think it was funny, but I know Sandra will like it.

Q: What's orange and yellow and looks good on a hippie?

A: Fire.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: TurnMeOnDeadman on July 29, 2005, 03:46:33 AM
haha, same thing can go for the monks
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Sondra on July 29, 2005, 04:45:24 AM
Quote from: Mairi
My friend told me this the other day while I was wearing my peace t-shirt. I didn't think it was funny, but I know Sandra will like it.

Q: What's orange and yellow and looks good on a hippie?

A: Fire.

LOL. I love it. Well, I wouldn't love it if somebody was threatening you with it!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Paulsluv on July 29, 2005, 04:47:02 AM
LOL! Good one Mairi!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: andersonCouncill on July 29, 2005, 04:47:04 AM
I dunno. It was clever but the hippie philosophy is defiintley better than the Bush Administration philosophy.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on August 01, 2005, 04:25:19 AM
Quoted from comedian Ron White- "When life gives you lemons make lemonade .........Then go findesomeone who's life has given them vodka and have a party"........ :)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on August 02, 2005, 02:36:43 AM
"When life gives you lemons, b!tch and whine about it until they give you chocolate." -Me
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: joan was quizzical on August 02, 2005, 06:29:17 AM
"When life gives you lemons.... throw them in the garbage and put some newspaper on top."

~ missy
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: TurnMeOnDeadman on August 02, 2005, 02:48:55 PM
whats worse than a black guy running away with your VCR?

his little brother running away with your TV
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Paulsluv on August 02, 2005, 07:12:11 PM
From a card I got my sister and brother-in-law for their anniversay:

Marriage is like a toilet seat. It has its share of ups and downs.  ;D
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: RICKENBACKER325 on August 02, 2005, 07:34:09 PM
A man walks into his local nieghborhood bar and orders a beer. After about three more the bartender notices the man crying. He thinks this man can't possibly that drunk so soon, so he goes over and ask's the patron "What's the matter buddy, you ain't had that much to drink" The man say's tomorrow's my 25th wedding anniversary. The bartender say's "Congradulations the next one's on me". The man beggins to cry louder and harder and say's to the bartender "You don't understand, first degree murder carries a 25 year sentance". really confused the bartender say's "What in hell are you talikg about"? The man say's "If I had killed her 25 years ago instead of marrying her, Tomorrow I'd be a free man!".................... ;D
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on August 30, 2005, 12:53:09 PM
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. Seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" She asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him? " She said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. Is there anything I can do?" "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him," she whispered, " there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on August 30, 2005, 12:55:27 PM
Three cowboys riding through the desert. Cowboy One asks Cowboy Two: "How much is one plus one?' "Two", Cowboy Two replies. Cowboy One gets his gun and shoots his college. "Why did you do that?", asks Cowboy Three. Cowboy One: "He knew too much."
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on August 30, 2005, 01:43:13 PM
The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting. When Johnny's turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot. "What's that?" the teacher asked, puzzled. "It's a period."
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on November 02, 2005, 11:56:10 AM
Secretary: - Mr. President, Condoleeza Rice is here to see you.
George B. : - Good, send her in.
Secretary: - Yessir.

(Hangs up. Condi enters.)

Condoleeza: - Good morning, Mr. President.
George B. : - Oh Condoleeza, nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza : - Well, Mr. President, I have the report here about the new leader in China.
George B. : - Great, Condi. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza : - Mr. President, Hu is the new leader of China.
George B. : - Well, that's what I want to know.
Condoleeza : - But that's what I'm telling you, Mr. President.
George B. : - Well, that's what I'm asking you, Condie. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : - Yes.
George B. : - I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The guy in China.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The new leader of China.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The Chinaman!
Condoleeza : - Hu is leading China, Mr. President.
George B. : - Whaddya' asking me for?
Condoleeza : - I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George B. : - Well, I'm asking you, Condie. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza : - That's the man's name.
George B. : - That's who's name?
Condoleeza : - Yes.

(Pause.)

George B. : - Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza : - That's correct.
George B. : - Then who is in China?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza : - No, sir.
George B. : - Then who is?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir?
Condoleeza : - No, sir.

(Pause. Crumples paper)

George B. : - Condi, you're starting to p*ss me off now, and it's not 'cause you're black neither. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. So why don't you get me the Secretary General of the United Nations on the phone.
Condoleeza : - Kofi Annan?
George B. : - No, thanks. And Condi, call me George. Stop with that ebonics crap.
Condoleeza : - You want Kofi?
George B. : - No.
Condoleeza : - You don't want Kofi.
George B. : - No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Not Yassir! The guy at the United Nations.
Condoleeza : - Kofi?
George B. : - Milk! Will you please make that call?
Condoleeza : - And call who?
George B. : - Well, who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleeza : - No, Hu is the guy in China.
George B. : - Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza : - Kofi.
George B. : - All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condoleeza : - Hello. Rice, here.
George B. : - Rice? Good idea. And get a couple of egg rolls, too, Condi. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get chinese food in the Middle East? I don't know.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on November 03, 2005, 12:08:24 AM
That's so funny! I'm going to bring it into Drama Club!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on November 08, 2005, 11:47:39 AM
Coincidence?

1981
1. Prins Charles married
2. Liverpool wins the European Cup
3. The pope died

2005
1. Prins Charles married
2. Liverpool wins the European Cup
3. The pope died

If Prince Charles is ever going to remarry and Liverpool is playing the European Cup-final, please can somebody warn the pope?
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: raxo on November 08, 2005, 02:19:41 PM
^Very funny. Indeed. Listen Prins Charles: don't get married again!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Taxgirl on November 08, 2005, 09:28:09 PM
Quote from: Bobber
Coincidence?

1981
1. Prins Charles married
2. Liverpool wins the European Cup
3. The pope died

2005
1. Prins Charles married
2. Liverpool wins the European Cup
3. The pope died

If Prince Charles is ever going to remarry and Liverpool is playing the European Cup-final, please can somebody warn the pope?


The Pope died in 1978!! Actually 2 popes died that year. But John Paul 2 was a pope from 1978-2005 for sure.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on November 09, 2005, 09:52:32 AM
Well, there was a dead pope for sure in 1981.  :)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Taxgirl on November 09, 2005, 11:25:10 AM
Quote from: Bobber
Well, there was a dead pope for sure in 1981.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Kevin on November 09, 2005, 11:37:43 AM
Pope JP2 was shot in 1981, so close enough Bobber.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on November 09, 2005, 11:50:46 AM
On second hand I didn't say a pope died in 1981, but I said there was a (and centainly more than one) dead pope in 1981.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: GreenApple on November 09, 2005, 01:08:47 PM
How do you sink a Yellow Submarine?

Open the door!  ;D



Not that I ever would, of course...we have to save Pepperland, remember!



But, Pepperland is in our hearts! (man!) (flower)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: raxo on November 13, 2005, 03:03:26 PM
Some more?
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: GreenApple on November 13, 2005, 03:18:07 PM
No more Beatles-related, unfortunately!

I'm thinking...
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: GreenApple on November 13, 2005, 03:22:54 PM
Got one...

How many blue meanies does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'd rather be in the dark!  :-/


Another...

What's the collective term for blue meanies?

A British Conservative Party conference!  ;D
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on November 22, 2005, 09:32:33 AM
Over here in the Netherlands there's a small riddle for kids: how long is a Chinese. The kids are shouting all kinds of measures, but the little joke is that How Long is his name. But now they have found How Long at last! Here he is!


(http://img345.imageshack.us/img345/331/hoelang2wt.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Kevin on November 22, 2005, 09:56:34 AM
^Ha ha. And people say the Dutch are humourless. Boom boom.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Bobber on November 22, 2005, 10:06:55 AM
Quote from: kevin_b
^Ha ha. And people say the Dutch are humourless. Boom boom.

Oh, we're very funny people. It's the French that are humourless.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: pc31 on November 22, 2005, 11:53:46 AM
what did one breast say to the other???don't hang too low people will think we nuts!!!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Kevin on November 22, 2005, 11:57:06 AM
haha.
What do you call a woman with a v*gina between her breasts?














Grandma
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: pc31 on November 22, 2005, 01:27:39 PM
whats the last thing to go through a bugs mind when he hits the windsheild?his ass!!!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: raxo on December 17, 2005, 01:31:52 AM
Not funny and bad ones: http://www.amiright.com/real/funnyartist/beatles.shtml  
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: somedude210 on December 17, 2005, 03:40:07 AM
hey, you know how cheny is really running the country...so does that mean we're run by a bush with a dick up its ass?
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: raxo on January 03, 2006, 07:39:27 PM
Quote from: raxo
Not funny and bad ones: http://www.amiright.com/real/funnyartist/beatles.shtml
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: raxo on February 02, 2006, 10:26:51 PM
Not exactly ... I've read something about something ... called Led Zeppelin

1973's Houses of the Holy LP: "D'yer Mak'er" (pronounced "Jamaica", which was fitting, given the song's reggae feel - it is also a play on words, based on the joke where a man mistakes his friend saying the word Jamaica, for "Did You Make Her?"

First man: My wife is off to the Caribbean on holiday.

Second man: Jamaica?

First man: No, she went of her own accord).
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Kevin on May 19, 2006, 04:42:45 PM
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bar.
The barman says "is this some kind of joke?"


Boom boom.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: somedude210 on May 20, 2006, 12:35:15 AM
So a Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi were talking and couldnt decide on who had the better religion. The priest stood up and said "well, lets try to convert a bear, whoever can convert a bear is the better religion."

so the three of them each walked into the woods. the priest goes first and an hour later comes back with big cuts. the others asked him "what happened?" The priest responded, "well i walked into the woods and found the largest bear i could find and started preaching to him. he started to attack me before i got him to the river and baptised him. then he left as peaceful as can be."

the minister then decided to try his luck and went into the woods to find a bear. he too came back an hour later all bruised and cut worst then the priest. The minister tells the story, "Well, I went into the woods and found the largest bear i could find and started giving him a fire and brimstone speech. He started attacking me until i got him down to the river and baptised him."

the rabbi decided that it was his time to try it and went into the woods. he stumbled out nearly two hours later, barely conscience. he looked at the two and told the story. "well, i found the bear, but i dont think i should've circumsized him first..."
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Wordno on April 11, 2007, 04:27:50 AM
This is usually said better when someone charismatic says it. It might fall flat here but i'll give it a shot.


So this guy comes home and yells "Honey! Pack your bags! I've just won the lottery!"

The wife with so much excitment asks "Oh my god! I can't believe this! Where are we going?"

The husband replies "I don't know where you're going but be out of the house by five!"
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: McLennon on April 13, 2007, 02:15:38 AM
I went to the doctors the other day and said Doctor I think i'm ill, he said "no its ok, you're just a hypercondriac", i said "o no, i havn't got that too have I"!

I went to the doctors the other day and he said "I havn't seen you in a while", i said "no, i've been ill"!

I rang up the building firm the other day and said "can I have a skip outside my house?", they said "we're not stopping ya"!

I won a years supply of marmite the other day.......one jar

went to the supermarket and saw a man and woman wrapped in bar code, i said "are you two an item?"

Rang up british telecom the other day and said "I would like to report a nuisance caller", they said "o no, not you again"!

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: tangerine on April 13, 2007, 09:25:37 AM
Lady 1 (to lady 2) 'good GRIEF you're repulsively ugly'
Lady 2: 'well actually but husband says I look a million dollars'
Lady 1: 'YEH green and wrinkled'

... ::)

A man walked into the doctors with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor said 'I'll put some cream on it!'

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: BlueMeanie on April 13, 2007, 09:41:46 AM
Quote from: 544
I went to the doctors the other day and said Doctor I think i'm ill, he said "no its ok, you're just a hypercondriac", i said "o no, i havn't got that too have I"!

I went to the doctors the other day and he said "I havn't seen you in a while", i said "no, i've been ill"!

I rang up the building firm the other day and said "can I have a skip outside my house?", they said "we're not stopping ya"!

I won a years supply of marmite the other day.......one jar

went to the supermarket and saw a man and woman wrapped in bar code, i said "are you two an item?"

Rang up british telecom the other day and said "I would like to report a nuisance caller", they said "o no, not you again"!


All said in your best Les Dawson voice!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: BlueMeanie on April 13, 2007, 09:46:29 AM
Not a joke, but deserves to be on here. Best quote from 'Life On Mars':

Gene Hunt: I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.

Sam Tyler: An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?

Gene Hunt: You make that sound like a bad thing.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Kevin on April 13, 2007, 09:52:46 AM
Quote from: 483
Not a joke, but deserves to be on here. Best quote from 'Life On Mars':

Gene Hunt: I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.

Sam Tyler: An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?

Gene Hunt: You make that sound like a bad thing.
Ha. Wasn't that a geat show! The ending left me a bit baffled, but they did it well. When they made him think he was from '73 and the future was his coma  fantasy (not the other way round) was a stroke of genius. God I'll miss that show. it was the only male orientated drama on the Beeb (otherwise its all Ballykiss Angel and Casualty).
the music was superb.

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: tangerine on April 13, 2007, 09:30:38 PM
I apologise in advance because this is poor- and I hate knock knock jokes in general however this is a beatles forum so:

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Ringo!
Ringo who?
Ringo's the doorbell

(Ring goes the doorbell)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: tangerine on April 13, 2007, 09:39:13 PM
this isn't a joke and is admittedly off topic but it amused me- my friend gave me the link to this site where someone started a 'beatles suck' club with a 'beatles suck' forum with a 'beatles suck' thread- and they are all like 'let the beatle bashing begin' then about 20 other people have posted setting them straight and completely crushing such a stupid argument with evidence of the beatles' greatness  ;D

the link is here http://www.last.fm/group/The+Beatles+SUCK%21/forum/46101/_/210107
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: McLennon on April 14, 2007, 10:40:09 PM
Quote from: 483

All said in your best Les Dawson voice!

just like that, just like that, tommy cooper of course! hahaha (in his chokey, muffled laugh)!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Hombre_de_ningun_lugar on August 31, 2012, 01:44:03 AM
What's the closest thing to a cherry tree in the jungle? An elephant with red balls.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle? A monkey eating cherries.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Normandie on September 01, 2012, 07:18:12 PM
What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?

Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.

I know this is a pretty old post, but it brought back memories of all those "dead baby" jokes from the 80s that were so popular in my high school. I could repeat a few here, but they're pretty gross. I still remember, too, the tasteless Challenger/Christa McAuliffe jokes that circulated. I won't dignify THEM by repeating them, either.

That said, I'm glad someone resurrected this thread. I'll have to find something funny to add!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Mairi on September 08, 2012, 02:00:20 AM
What's the difference between a Greyhound Bus Station and a lobster with big boobs? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Dcazz on September 08, 2012, 12:12:42 PM
This is usually said better when someone charismatic says it. It might fall flat here but i'll give it a shot.


So this guy comes home and yells "Honey! Pack your bags! I've just won the lottery!"

The wife with so much excitment asks "Oh my god! I can't believe this! Where are we going?"

The husband replies "I don't know where you're going but be out of the house by five!"
Me like!
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Dcazz on September 08, 2012, 12:24:09 PM
On a cold rainy night a man walked into a bar, took off his coat, put his gloves neatly on the bar sat down and took off his hat. The bartender looked at him and noticed a huge toad ontop of his head! He said "Wow, thats a beauty where did you get it!?" The toad said "Well, it started out as a wart on my ass...!"
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: ibanez_ax on September 08, 2012, 07:49:38 PM
Bubba and Earl were drinking beer in Bubba's pickup when they approached a sobriety checkpoint.  Bubba said "Oh no! I'm gonna get a drunk driving citation!"

Earl said "Take the label off your beer bottle and put it on your forehead. I'll do the same and let me do the talking."  Bubba did just that.

They approached the checkpoint.  The policeman shined his flashlight in the cab and said "Have you boys been drinking?"

Earl said "No sir, we're on the patch."

(Disclaimer: this joke in no way indicates my approval of drinking and driving!)
Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Brynjar on February 20, 2013, 08:21:27 PM
(http://www.myndahysing.net/upload/261361391658.jpg)