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Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 4499 times)

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BlueMeanie

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #100 on: April 13, 2007, 09:41:46 AM »

Quote from: 544
I went to the doctors the other day and said Doctor I think i'm ill, he said "no its ok, you're just a hypercondriac", i said "o no, i havn't got that too have I"!

I went to the doctors the other day and he said "I havn't seen you in a while", i said "no, i've been ill"!

I rang up the building firm the other day and said "can I have a skip outside my house?", they said "we're not stopping ya"!

I won a years supply of marmite the other day.......one jar

went to the supermarket and saw a man and woman wrapped in bar code, i said "are you two an item?"

Rang up british telecom the other day and said "I would like to report a nuisance caller", they said "o no, not you again"!


All said in your best Les Dawson voice!
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BlueMeanie

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #101 on: April 13, 2007, 09:46:29 AM »

Not a joke, but deserves to be on here. Best quote from 'Life On Mars':

Gene Hunt: I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.

Sam Tyler: An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?

Gene Hunt: You make that sound like a bad thing.
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Kevin

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #102 on: April 13, 2007, 09:52:46 AM »

Quote from: 483
Not a joke, but deserves to be on here. Best quote from 'Life On Mars':

Gene Hunt: I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.

Sam Tyler: An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?

Gene Hunt: You make that sound like a bad thing.
Ha. Wasn't that a geat show! The ending left me a bit baffled, but they did it well. When they made him think he was from '73 and the future was his coma  fantasy (not the other way round) was a stroke of genius. God I'll miss that show. it was the only male orientated drama on the Beeb (otherwise its all Ballykiss Angel and Casualty).
the music was superb.

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don't follow leaders

tangerine

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #103 on: April 13, 2007, 09:30:38 PM »

I apologise in advance because this is poor- and I hate knock knock jokes in general however this is a beatles forum so:

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Ringo!
Ringo who?
Ringo's the doorbell

(Ring goes the doorbell)
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<br />But every so often you come across something truly inspiring...<br />
<br />

tangerine

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #104 on: April 13, 2007, 09:39:13 PM »

this isn't a joke and is admittedly off topic but it amused me- my friend gave me the link to this site where someone started a 'beatles suck' club with a 'beatles suck' forum with a 'beatles suck' thread- and they are all like 'let the beatle bashing begin' then about 20 other people have posted setting them straight and completely crushing such a stupid argument with evidence of the beatles' greatness  ;D

the link is here http://www.last.fm/group/The+Beatles+SUCK%21/forum/46101/_/210107
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<br />But every so often you come across something truly inspiring...<br />
<br />

McLennon

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #105 on: April 14, 2007, 10:40:09 PM »

Quote from: 483

All said in your best Les Dawson voice!

just like that, just like that, tommy cooper of course! hahaha (in his chokey, muffled laugh)!
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There are 7 levels!

Hombre_de_ningun_lugar

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #106 on: August 31, 2012, 01:44:03 AM »

What's the closest thing to a cherry tree in the jungle? An elephant with red balls.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle? A monkey eating cherries.
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Normandie

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #107 on: September 01, 2012, 07:18:12 PM »

What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?

Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.

I know this is a pretty old post, but it brought back memories of all those "dead baby" jokes from the 80s that were so popular in my high school. I could repeat a few here, but they're pretty gross. I still remember, too, the tasteless Challenger/Christa McAuliffe jokes that circulated. I won't dignify THEM by repeating them, either.

That said, I'm glad someone resurrected this thread. I'll have to find something funny to add!
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Mairi

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #108 on: September 08, 2012, 02:00:20 AM »

What's the difference between a Greyhound Bus Station and a lobster with big boobs? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
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I am posting on an internet forum, therefore my opinion is fact.

Dcazz

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #109 on: September 08, 2012, 12:12:42 PM »

This is usually said better when someone charismatic says it. It might fall flat here but i'll give it a shot.


So this guy comes home and yells "Honey! Pack your bags! I've just won the lottery!"

The wife with so much excitment asks "Oh my god! I can't believe this! Where are we going?"

The husband replies "I don't know where you're going but be out of the house by five!"
Me like!
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Dcazz

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #110 on: September 08, 2012, 12:24:09 PM »

On a cold rainy night a man walked into a bar, took off his coat, put his gloves neatly on the bar sat down and took off his hat. The bartender looked at him and noticed a huge toad ontop of his head! He said "Wow, thats a beauty where did you get it!?" The toad said "Well, it started out as a wart on my ass...!"
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Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or imbeciles who really mean it!
Mark Twain

ibanez_ax

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #111 on: September 08, 2012, 07:49:38 PM »

Bubba and Earl were drinking beer in Bubba's pickup when they approached a sobriety checkpoint.  Bubba said "Oh no! I'm gonna get a drunk driving citation!"

Earl said "Take the label off your beer bottle and put it on your forehead. I'll do the same and let me do the talking."  Bubba did just that.

They approached the checkpoint.  The policeman shined his flashlight in the cab and said "Have you boys been drinking?"

Earl said "No sir, we're on the patch."

(Disclaimer: this joke in no way indicates my approval of drinking and driving!)
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Brynjar

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #112 on: February 20, 2013, 08:21:27 PM »

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They were the most brilliant, powerful, lovable, popular group on the planet. - Q, 1995.
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