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Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 4903 times)

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RICKENBACKER325

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Jokes
« on: July 22, 2005, 05:14:51 PM »

 With all the depressing crap going on in the world today I though this might make a good idea for a thread.
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Crazy Diamond

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2005, 06:02:13 PM »

What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?







Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.
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Paulsluv

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2005, 06:06:25 PM »

Quote from: Zep_Fan
What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?







Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.

That's really disturbing.
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Bobber

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2005, 06:08:02 PM »

Quote from: Zep_Fan
What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?

Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.


Strange sense of humour.
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Mairi

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2005, 06:09:27 PM »

Okay, so there's guy on his death bed. He's just about to pass away when he makes one last dying wish. "Lord," he says, "All I want right now is just a plate of my wife's chocolate chip cookies, that's all I ask."
And then, suddenly, he smells the cookies baking from downstairs. So he drags himself out of bed, crawls downstairs, (this is a dying man, remember) and he finally reaches the kitchen. He spots the plate of cookies on the counter, and as he reaches up to grab one, he feels someone slapping his hand "Don't touch!" says his wife. "Those are for the funeral!"
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Paulsluv

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2005, 06:13:33 PM »

LOL
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Bobber

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2005, 06:20:44 PM »

Just imagine: you and me. On a romantic cruise. Just good friends. Then the ships sinks. Everybody's drowned, except you and me. We manage to reach an unhabited island. There's food enough, there's bananas and coconuts. A lot of fresh water as well. We both know we won't be rescued and will have to stick with eachother for the rest of our lives. In fact, we will probably die on the island. What do you think, will we ever have sex together, maybe even once?




Why wait till the ship sinks?
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joan was quizzical

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2005, 07:16:32 PM »

When nuns die, they go to a special gateway to get into heaven. They line up at this special enterance and must answer a few routine questions...

So St. Peter, standing in front of a long line of nuns at the pearly gates, says, "Next!"

Sister Rita walks up and St. Peter asks her a few questions, including "Have you ever had ANY sexual contact?"

"No!" exclaims Sister Rita. "Well.... I did touch a penis once. Just with the tip of my finger, I swear!"

"Ok, well just dip your finger tips in this holy water." Sister Rita does this, thanks St. Peter and enters heaven. "Next!"

Sister Mary walks up next. Once again, St. Peter asks "Have you ever had any sexual contact whatsoever?"

"Oh, no!"

"Really now?"

"Well, ok there was this one time.... I touched a penis. Just put it in the palm of my hand, that's all."

"Well, rinse the palm of your hand with this holy water." Sister Mary does as she is told and enters heaven.

Just then, all nuns in line start yelling and shoving. There is a disturbance halfway down the line.

St. Peter says, "Sisters, sisters please!"

"Sister Lucy is cutting in line!" one complains. St. Peter looks over to Sister Lucy, who says,

"If I have to gargle that holy water, I'm not waiting until after Sister Florence dips her ass in it!"
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RICKENBACKER325

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2005, 07:30:54 PM »

^ LOL...I heard that one before and I still laugh when I hear it.
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Paulsluv

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2005, 07:34:13 PM »

That is a funny religion joke, if that's the category.
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Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.--Lilo and Stitch.
Beatles to battle!--Paul, Yellow Submarine movie
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RICKENBACKER325

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2005, 07:55:25 PM »

A little boy is in a closet spying on his mom and her lover when his dad shows up. The mom jumps up and says "Quick, its my husband get in the closet.
In the closet the little boys says "sure is dark in here". The man replys "yep it is"
 I got a baseball "you want to buy it ask the little boy "Nope" says the man.
 "My dads out there" says the boy. "Ok how much do you want for the ball?" ask the moms lover. "$250.00" says the boy. "Its a deal" says the man.
The next week again in the closet spying the boy finds his moms lover joining him in haste as he dad gets home early from work. Again the boy says "sure is dark in here" and again the man agrees saying "it certainly is". "I got a baseball glove now, you want to buy it?". the boys asks.
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Paulsluv

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #11 on: July 22, 2005, 07:57:52 PM »

LOL!! My sides!

(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)(laugh2)
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Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.--Lilo and Stitch.
Beatles to battle!--Paul, Yellow Submarine movie
Listen. Do you want to know a secret?
Have you hugged your Paul Today?
Drop me a letter in my mailbox. :D

Soft_Guitar60

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2005, 08:17:03 PM »

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came
back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks
great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at
peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your
God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight,
so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go
to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the
light goes off when I'm done."

"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he
said,"George is just fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call
because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up
during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then
(poof!) the light goes off?"

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator
again!"
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Bobber

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #13 on: July 22, 2005, 08:19:13 PM »

(clown1)
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RICKENBACKER325

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #14 on: July 22, 2005, 08:19:34 PM »

^ ROFLMAO!
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Paulsluv

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #15 on: July 22, 2005, 08:19:46 PM »

AGH! Sick joke, but funny! :)
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Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.--Lilo and Stitch.
Beatles to battle!--Paul, Yellow Submarine movie
Listen. Do you want to know a secret?
Have you hugged your Paul Today?
Drop me a letter in my mailbox. :D

Crazy Diamond

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #16 on: July 23, 2005, 11:57:38 AM »

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?


I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
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RICKENBACKER325

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #17 on: July 23, 2005, 01:27:13 PM »

During his escape from Pakistan osama bin laden found a bottle containing a beautiful female genie. The genie appeared and said "Master may I grant you one wish?" Taken aback by the female genie osama say's "you ignorant, unworthy daughter of a dog, do you not know who I am? I do not need a common woman to grant me anything!"  The Genie replied "Please let me grant you one wish, if not I have to return to that bottle forever" bin laden with contempt say's " Very well then, I want to wake up with three merican women in my bed." Granted said the genie and she disappeared.
The next morning bin laden awoke with three American women as he had wished. Loreena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, both of his knees were broken and he did'nt have any health insurance............. ;D



Ah.....if this were only true :)
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Crazy Diamond

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #18 on: July 23, 2005, 02:08:16 PM »

What's red and white and bubbles all over?


A baby in the microwave.
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TurnMeOnDeadman

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #19 on: July 25, 2005, 06:46:34 AM »

lol^

why do women have boobs?

so you got something to look at when your talking to them
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