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Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 4913 times)

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TurnMeOnDeadman

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #20 on: July 25, 2005, 06:48:40 AM »

How many jews can you fit in a Volkswagen Beetle? 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and 6 million in the ashtray.
 
 
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mih ssim mih ssim ,won daed si luap

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Crazy Diamond

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #21 on: July 25, 2005, 10:49:27 AM »

^ Not funny.

What is charred black and smells really bad?


A baby in the fireplace.
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RICKENBACKER325

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #22 on: July 25, 2005, 03:02:28 PM »

Five men were to be ordained as priest's, but first each man would have to pass a test to make sure they would be sexually pure in heart and mind. All five were stripped completely nude and had a bell tied to their "member". Then a beautiful model with large breast's and a perfect body danced nude in front each of the priest's. The first four passed the test completely with nothing arising.....however the fifth priest could not contain himself. He became so aroused that his bell rang so radically it fell off. Carlos, the fifth priest was embarassed, he stepped forward and bent over to pick up his bell, seeing this all four of the other priest's bells began to ring loudly........... ;D
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Crazy Diamond

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #23 on: July 25, 2005, 05:15:56 PM »

What is red and swings back and forth?


Dead baby on a meathook.
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RICKENBACKER325

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #24 on: July 25, 2005, 06:25:28 PM »

^  C'mon man, the dead baby jokes are getting old and are no more funny than the jew ashtray joke. Speaking as a parent of an 8 month old and a 7 year I find them a little disturbing, especially with all the child abuse going today. The whole purpose of this thread is to make people smile or laugh. Be it members tired of all the sick crap that goes on in the world or someone who may just be having a bad day.
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Crazy Diamond

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #25 on: July 25, 2005, 06:51:42 PM »

How do you get 1000 dead babies in a phone booth?


Use a blender.
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Mairi

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #26 on: July 25, 2005, 07:00:04 PM »

C'mon man, you gotta stop with the dead baby jokes. You're usually pretty funny, but those are just disturbing.
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Mairi

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #27 on: July 25, 2005, 07:04:25 PM »

Anyways...

Q: How can you tell when it's really cold out?

A: When Christina Aguilera puts on all her clothes.
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Re: Jokes
« Reply #28 on: July 25, 2005, 08:08:57 PM »

hahah i think diamonds baby jokes are hilarious!!!!!!!!

were you born on the a12 cause thats where most accidents happen?
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Bobber

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #29 on: July 25, 2005, 08:16:45 PM »

Quote from: lennonlegend
hahah i think diamonds baby jokes are hilarious!!!!!!!!

were you born on the a12 cause thats where most accidents happen?

Have a smile yourself and try the 'What age do you act' contest!
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An Apple Beatle

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #30 on: July 25, 2005, 08:59:13 PM »

Quote from: lennonlegend
hahah i think diamonds baby jokes are hilarious!!!!!!!!

were you born on the a12 cause thats where most accidents happen?

I'm not lying dude!!! My father died in a car crash...I really don't appreciate that man!

Also, someone has nicely explained why they don't like the baby jokes. Maybe until you are fathers yourselves, you won't get how much it may offend people...Best just to leave it, surely?..I think this thread was supposed to share a little happiness.

Imagine if your own family went through the loss of a baby. I'm not trying to be a killjoy or impose my opinions but theres a time and a place for certain humour. You get me drift?
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lyndal

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #31 on: July 26, 2005, 12:03:55 AM »

I agree.....there are always going to be those types of jokes in the world, as we can see, they can be made out of nothing. The jokes i enjoy are the really clever ones, and although i do enjoy a dirty joke from time to time, the sick ones are just that........sickening.
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Sondra

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #32 on: July 26, 2005, 12:16:13 AM »

Anywaaayyy...Here's one from a Woody Allen movie. It's a Polish joke, but I DO NOT mean to offend anyone who's Polish. I have a ton of Polish relatives, and they all thought it was funny, so I'm hoping most people around here aren't ultra politically correct and can actually laugh at dumb stereotypes that we know are not true anyway.

Did you hear about the Polish carpool? They all meet at work.

And just to be fair, here's an Italian joke. (I'm Italian)

What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pockets? Mute.

Okay, and here's one one of my first grade students just told me:
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom. Bwah ha!

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RICKENBACKER325

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #33 on: July 26, 2005, 12:21:08 AM »

LOL ^ Now that what I'm talking about! Thanks Sandra.
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Mairi

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #34 on: July 26, 2005, 12:35:36 AM »

My cousin's friend, who is a teacher, told me this one:

Two muffins are in an oven. The first one says, "Boy, sure is hot in here." The second one says, "AHH! A talking muffin!"
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Sondra

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #35 on: July 26, 2005, 12:53:31 AM »

and from one of my favorite comedians ever. Different kind of jokes though.

I didn't get a toy train like the other kids.
I got a toy subway instead.
You couldn't see anything,
but every now and then
you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.


If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there,
is he still wrong?

When you're in school, and there's a fire alarm you have to line up in a single file line from shortest to tallest.
What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?

Why are there braille dots on
the keypads at drive up ATMs?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays 'Helter Skelter'.
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Mairi

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #36 on: July 26, 2005, 01:14:04 AM »

Some words of wisdom from Homer Simpson:

"When a woman says nothing's wrong, it means something's wrong. And if she says something's wrong, it means everything's wrong. And if she says everything's wrong, it means EVERYTHING'S wrong."
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Crazy Diamond

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #37 on: July 26, 2005, 07:45:22 AM »

Quote from: An_Apple_Beatle

I'm not lying dude!!! My father died in a car crash...I really don't appreciate that man!

Also, someone has nicely explained why they don't like the baby jokes. Maybe until you are fathers yourselves, you won't get how much it may offend people...Best just to leave it, surely?..I think this thread was supposed to share a little happiness.

Imagine if your own family went through the loss of a baby. I'm not trying to be a killjoy or impose my opinions but theres a time and a place for certain humour. You get me drift?

I'm sorry. :(
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TurnMeOnDeadman

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #38 on: July 26, 2005, 07:54:44 AM »

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?


Because he doesn't know he's black.
 
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mih ssim mih ssim ,won daed si luap

"LSD is a drug made famous by John Lennon and Paul Mccartney"
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Crazy Diamond

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #39 on: July 26, 2005, 11:55:58 AM »

(thumbsdown)
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