[Announcer voice here, you know the guy who says "In a land where ...":] "And now, from the ashes of another, more serious thread is born, like a phoenix arising from the Alaskan tundra, warm holiday wishes from America's most popular governor!!"
All the networks are faux news, really.
Is there any real news?
Not that I know of. It's all a fabrication to placate the people. Like soma (from "A Brave New World").
some real news - spot the turkey*! Best line ... "Awww, this was fun ... sometimes you need a little levity (gobble gobble!)!"
(* BTW - do people in England still say "spot the wanker"? When I lived in Great Yarmouth in the '80's my friends used to say that as they stumbled along the streets after pub closing. Luckily, we never got into any fights!)