With all the depressing crap going on in the world today I though this might make a good idea for a thread. So I'll start with a joke or two and other members just add to it as you wish. Hope this at least brings a smile to you. Here goes.
A woman goes to the pet store to buy a bird to keep her company since her husband works so many hours and she is alone a lot. In the shop there is a beautiful parrot with a sign on it's cage "sale $9.99" The woman in disbeliefe ask's the store owner "Is the price a mistake ?" No, says the owner. "Why is it so cheap?" ask the woman. Well, to be honest mam the bird belonged to a owner of a house of prostitution, and it says some rude things at times. The woman thinks "oh well that might be funny" so she buys the bird and takes it home. Once at home she puts the bird in the living room so everyone that comes in will see it. The woman walks by and the bird say's "Hello madame" the lady thinks "well thats not bad". Then her two daughters come home from school , the bird whistles and say's "ah new girls!" the lady laughs and thinks "I can live with that". Just about that time the womans husband comes home from work. Anxious to see her husbands reaction to the bird she walks in the room as her husband comes through the door and the Parrot say "Hello Keith"........
Okay, so there's guy on his death bed. He's just about to pass away when he makes one last dying wish. "Lord," he says, "All I want right now is just a plate of my wife's chocolate chip cookies, that's all I ask." And then, suddenly, he smells the cookies baking from downstairs. So he drags himself out of bed, crawls downstairs, (this is a dying man, remember) and he finally reaches the kitchen. He spots the plate of cookies on the counter, and as he reaches up to grab one, he feels someone slapping his hand "Don't touch!" says his wife. "Those are for the funeral!"
You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you.
Just imagine: you and me. On a romantic cruise. Just good friends. Then the ships sinks. Everybody's drowned, except you and me. We manage to reach an unhabited island. There's food enough, there's bananas and coconuts. A lot of fresh water as well. We both know we won't be rescued and will have to stick with eachother for the rest of our lives. In fact, we will probably die on the island. What do you think, will we ever have sex together, maybe even once?
A little boy is in a closet spying on his mom and her lover when his dad shows up. The mom jumps up and says "Quick, its my husband get in the closet. In the closet the little boys says "sure is dark in here". The man replys "yep it is" I got a baseball "you want to buy it ask the little boy "Nope" says the man. "My dads out there" says the boy. "Ok how much do you want for the ball?" ask the moms lover. "$250.00" says the boy. "Its a deal" says the man. The next week again in the closet spying the boy finds his moms lover joining him in haste as he dad gets home early from work. Again the boy says "sure is dark in here" and again the man agrees saying "it certainly is". "I got a baseball glove now, you want to buy it?". the boys asks. "Ok, kid how much" asks the man quietly. "$750.00" the boy tells him. "Fine, just be quiet!" is the mans answere. Now a couple a weeks go by and the little boys dad says one day "Hey son go get your ball and glove and we'll play catch" the little boys says "Dad I can't, I sold my ball and glove". The dad asks "Well, son how much did you get". "$ 1000.00" was the answere. The father stunned "I can't believe you would cheat your friends that way" "Your going to church right now!". Once at the church the father marches his son into the the confessional and shuts the door. The priest opens the window to hear the little boys confession. The boys says "Sure is dark in here". The priest angerily says "Now don't start that crap again!"................
70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?" George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I'm done."
"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said,"George is just fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?"
Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"
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