Quoted Text

1. Denny Laine is all very well but I thought that double-necked guitar during Wings Over America was just him trying to look 'prog'

2. Linda is alright but what about that bloody off-tune singing tape. It was embarassing and the share price of her burger company fell accordingly.

3. Henry McCullough is alright but that time he fell down drunk on the stage and then didn't bother getting up again for the rest of the set, that's just downright bad value for paying customers

4. Jimmy McCulloch was alright but that time he went offstage and then wouldn't come on for the encore, well that;s just downright bad manners before paying customers

5. Denny Seiwell's moustache was NOT alright.

6. Geoff Britton was alright but he was in the wrong group. Probably should have turned left at Studio 2 and waited for The Sex Pistols to arrive. Plus he liked judo. I mean, come on!

7. Joe English was alright but he liked his burgers that boy and if he hadn't quit at the time he did, might have influenced seventies Macca fans to become as lard-arsed as a lot of them are today.

8. Laurence Juber was alright but he wore light brown leather jackets on occasion which is veggie non-kosher and an appalling insult to Wings' otherwise top fashion-sense.

9. Steve Holly was alright but it's such a bloody common name isn't it? I mean I know at least three Steve Hollys.

So there you have it. After conducting a comprehensive (and might I say fair) survey on the personal qualities of the Wings' membership, Macca wins it hands down not only because of that goatee he wore for a period in 1974-5 (have any of us ever dreamed of being so cool?) but because he wrote 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reggae' which Rolling Stone voted 'Best ever b-side to a novelty Christmas record'

And there you have it.