Since this is the "Different Conversations Forum," I think it's safe for me to post my request for advice here.
Here's my situation: I have some relatives who routinely invite me and another family member to events such as: Easter Sunday, a few Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and an occasional get-together-for-no-reason event (usually around the 4th of July).
It's complicated but when my mother was alive, she relished going to all these affairs. Since she didn't drive, she would always ask me to take her and then I was expected to attend the party as well. Oftentimes we were there for hours (sometimes up to 6 or more).
The fact is I never liked going to any of these. Why? I just don't have anything in common with them other than family genes. I don't have anything to talk about because we don't have shared interests. All I can do is listen. If they say I'm being quiet, then I have to try to invent something to say. Usually, the chat that follows is just plain inane and stupid-sounding.
I didn't like going from the get-go but my mother guilt-tripped me routinely into going. She would say things like "what are they gonna think if you don't take me? They'll think I don't have a good son or whatever." Also, she used to say this: "They're gonna hate you if you don't come." I always knew in the back of my mind that they were very angry whenever I didn't show up and take her there. Please know that she got a ride even if I didn’t take her.
Today my mom is long gone (may she rest in peace). But, I still get invited and I still don't want to go. I said “no” last Thanksgiving and my cousin became noticeably loud and upset on the phone when I told her I wasn't coming. There was a recent incident, too, and she blew her stack. I don't want to go into all the details here but there was a very nasty confrontation. It was equivalent to basically forcing me to accept any and all of her future invitations.
I don't want another encounter with her. I just don't ever want to go there or see her again.
What do I do? I don't want to say "no" on the telephone. I don't want to interact with her at all. There's no need for a fight. That's her who wants to fight about it. I don't want to fight. I just don't want to go there anymore.
If you think it's as simple as just not phoning and not going, it's not. Again, I don't want to go into too much detail but she made several calls the last time I didn't show up with anger and a very threatening tone in her voice. I don't want to go through with this again.
I don't know what makes me so important to her. She wouldn't cry a single tear if I died. And I mean prior to all this conflict, too. I can't mean anything to them - so what's with this big piece of crap about having to go to all her parties?
By the way, usually these invitations are very close to the day of the event. It's like I'd ask you if you wanted to go somewhere 2 days before. Why wouldn't I have invited you a week or two earlier? The implication is that I don't think you have anything better to do with your life other than be at my beck and call and at a moment's notice as well.
So, anyway, I hope I haven't offended anyone on the Beatles Forum by asking for non-Beatles related feedback. If this isn't appropriate, I'll remove the post.
Thanks for any feedback. Have a great day.