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Author Topic: Joke Thread  (Read 1169 times)

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nimrod

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Joke Thread
« on: February 09, 2023, 02:03:50 AM »

I've just had to shut my new business down. it was a dating site for chickens. I just couldn't make hens meet.
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Kevin

All You Need Is Love

nimrod

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2023, 02:05:21 AM »

My Dad once gave me a pair of rifles. i asked him if he'd been putting glue on the triggers. He said he hadn't but I'm sticking to my guns.
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Kevin

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nimrod

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2023, 02:12:54 AM »

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in
horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men
playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
agony.
the woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a
Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd
allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the
man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position,
still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side,
loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several
long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
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Kevin

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2023, 07:56:13 AM »


^^^^

 ha2ha
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nimrod

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2023, 11:36:50 PM »

A friend of a friend (girl) is a hairdresser and works at a unisex salon
Just as she was locking up one up one evening a bloke came along and said please can you cut my hair I know you're just closing but please will you just do it
She agreed and let the bloke into the shop. He sat in the chair and she fastened the cape. She turned to get the scissors, razor, comb and brush out and when she turned back the guy was masturbating under the cape, so she hit him full force with the brush and knocked him clean out if the chair
The cape fell to one side and the bloke was holding his glasses which he'd been cleaning
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Kevin

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nimrod

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2023, 09:56:19 PM »

A guy went to a cafe and ordered a cup of coffee and a kit kat. The cafe was quite full so he had to share a table with another guy. He sat down, took a sip of his coffee and was about to open his kit kat when the other guy reaches over, opens the kit kat, breaks a finger off and eats it!

The guy is stunned and doesn't know how to react, it seemed a bit petty to kick off over a kit kat so he calmly breaks off a finger and eats it. After a couple of minutes the other guy goes and eats another finger!

He's now fuming but he'd had a hard day and wasn't in the mood for an argument so he defiantly ate the last finger without saying a word. The other guy finishes his drink and gets up to leave and they glare at each other for a fraction of a second before he walks out.

Relieved, he finishes his coffee, picks up his newspaper and finds his own unopened kit kat underneath.
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Kevin

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2023, 01:30:49 AM »

A guy went to a cafe and ordered a cup of coffee and a kit kat. The cafe was quite full so he had to share a table with another guy. He sat down, took a sip of his coffee and was about to open his kit kat when the other guy reaches over, opens the kit kat, breaks a finger off and eats it!

The guy is stunned and doesn't know how to react, it seemed a bit petty to kick off over a kit kat so he calmly breaks off a finger and eats it. After a couple of minutes the other guy goes and eats another finger!

He's now fuming but he'd had a hard day and wasn't in the mood for an argument so he defiantly ate the last finger without saying a word. The other guy finishes his drink and gets up to leave and they glare at each other for a fraction of a second before he walks out.

Relieved, he finishes his coffee, picks up his newspaper and finds his own unopened kit kat underneath.

That is hilarious, Kev and so relatable. That other joke reminds me of something that happened during my brief stint in dental hygiene school but, thank God, NOT to me!
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