I went to the doctors the other day and said Doctor I think i'm ill, he said "no its ok, you're just a hypercondriac", i said "o no, i havn't got that too have I"!I went to the doctors the other day and he said "I havn't seen you in a while", i said "no, i've been ill"!I rang up the building firm the other day and said "can I have a skip outside my house?", they said "we're not stopping ya"!I won a years supply of marmite the other day.......one jarwent to the supermarket and saw a man and woman wrapped in bar code, i said "are you two an item?"Rang up british telecom the other day and said "I would like to report a nuisance caller", they said "o no, not you again"!
Not a joke, but deserves to be on here. Best quote from 'Life On Mars':Gene Hunt: I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.Sam Tyler: An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?Gene Hunt: You make that sound like a bad thing.
All said in your best Les Dawson voice!
What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.
This is usually said better when someone charismatic says it. It might fall flat here but i'll give it a shot.So this guy comes home and yells "Honey! Pack your bags! I've just won the lottery!"The wife with so much excitment asks "Oh my god! I can't believe this! Where are we going?"The husband replies "I don't know where you're going but be out of the house by five!"
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