There was one day in April that I ranted to god and questioned all that I had given up on him (I'm still buddhist, but the catholic faith I was raised in still lingers) and to that end, this poem basically came about. Yes it is a very angry and bitter poem
For many years I worked in your name,
Gave all I had for you,
Cared for you,
But when I needed you,
You were nowhere to be found,
And when the curtain fell,
And you were not around,
Your prodigal son,
Turned his back on you,
Cruciatus in crucem. (To hell with your punishments)
Tuus in terra servus, nuntius fui, (I was your servant, your messenger on the earth)
officium perfeci. (I did my duty)
Cruciatus in crucem. (To hell with your punishments)
Eas in crucem. (And to hell with you)
My life well adjusted,
My happiness grew,
And all the while,
I wasn't thinking of you,
You no longer cared,
Neither did I,
Years went by, maybe more,
Before your revenge took place and knocked on my door,
Like an angry wind,
You swept up my life,
And just like that,
My back produced a knife,
Did I upset you?
My absence unbecoming?
Millions of sheep left for you,
Why f*** with my shortcomings?
For years I never saw what they did in you,
You're smart and funny,
and powerful too,
Still you took it all,
And gave it to them,
All because I wasn't your friend,
And all the angels in heaven sing your name,
So why make me your fair game?
Have I upset you?
Have I lost your good will?
You lost that with me,
Long before I had nill,
Cried in the night,
For a helping hand,
Were you there when I was lost?
No, you left me to rot
Where to now, on benevolent one?
You coward
You fool,
You vindictive twit,
Why me?
What greater purpose to you have?
What in your name do you want from me?
When I lost all hope, I am at your mercy,
I was your student,
I was your pilgrim,
Now I am but a lost soul,
Searching in a sea of thousands
Blessed are the weak,
For they break my bones,
Blessed are the beggars,
For they take all my clothes,
Blessed are the rich,
For they take all my money,
Blessed are your followers,
For they all bathe in honey,
And what of her?
Will you take that from me too?
Or are the mind games done?
Because you think you've won,
Cruciatus in crucem. (To hell with your punishments)
Eas in crucem... (And to hell with you)